KEY TAKEAWAY: In the first week of our journey, you identified where you would like to feel differently or better than you do. Now, put your stake in the ground by setting your goal. Establish a target that fits you and for which you can identify and take specific steps to achieve. Scroll down for the TAKE ACTION section with this week’s actionable steps.

The last two weeks have been full of reflection. About how you feel in different areas of your life. About how empowered you feel in your life to create the change you want to feel and see in it. Now, it’s time to put your proverbial stake in the ground. It’s time to identify and commit to the change you want to realize.

In other words, today is about goal setting.

Step 1: Know Your WHY

As you think about the change you want to feel or have in your life, ask yourself the following:

Why do I want this?

It is very easy – too easy – to get stuck in what we think our goal or goals should be. We can get caught up in a goal that looks good on paper, that is a societal norm that we never thought to question, or that looks good to someone else (who we want to please or feel we should please).

We can also get stuck in the habit of a goal, where we set a goal at some previous point in our lives, but as we move through our lives, we don’t stop to consider if the goal is still relevant. We just drag it with us as it was when we originally set it instead of taking a moment to ask if that goal still fits us where we are in ourselves and our lives.

But here is the thing about goals: It’s not the WHAT, it’s the WHY. And the WHY is how it makes you feel.

Step 2: How Do You Want to Feel?

One of my teachers and a life coach and writer, Anne Hartley, always said the following:

“Goals are feelings we want to achieve.”¹

Think about it. Consider other goals you’ve achieved in your life. Why were those goals important to you? Why did you set them and work to achieve them? Why did you make the effort? Was is the thing itself or what it allowed you to feel?

For example, we may pursue a job we want not because of the job itself but because of what the position or salary attached to it allows us to feel. Financially secure. Valued. That we have a purpose.

We may save to buy a home, not because of the walls and roof but what having those walls and roof makes us feel. Rooted. Protected. Prosperous.

We may set a goal to lose weight, but it’s not the weight loss that is the goal but what comes from it. Feeling better. Having more energy. Releasing the burden of the extra weight on how we feel, not just physically but emotionally, too.

In other words, it’s not things, conditions, or achievements we strive for but what they allow us to feel. It is feeling a certain way that we desire. So, what are the feelings you want to achieve, and why are they important to you?

Change Takes Effort

Knowing your WHY is important because if you’re going to make an effort, you want it to be an effort that is going to support what you want to feel and have in your life. It is also important because change takes effort.

Even when the change will ultimately bring about what you want, you’ll need to make an effort to take the steps to achieve it. You will need to navigate obstacles – internal and external – that get in your way. You will need to break old habits. You will need to commit and recommit as you fall back into old habits (which you will).

(The good news is that when we take steps forward to achieve what we want but then have times when we take steps backward, those backward steps serve to remind us exactly what we don’t want to feel and why we committed to our change to begin with.)

So, know your WHY because it will inspire and encourage you as you make the effort, as you take and keep taking the steps that will help you create the change you want to feel and have in your life. Your WHY will help pull you through when life – or yourself – gets in the way.

Step 3: Put Your Stake in the Ground

Now, identify your goal or goals. Write them down where you can see them.

As you do, make sure that you are clear enough on the goal so that you can take intentional action to achieve it. In other words, don’t be vague. It’s hard to get to where you want to go if you’re not clear on what that is. Make sure that the goal you have set puts a stake in the ground that you can work toward – that is a definable target you can set your sights on.

For example, you may want to feel more financially secure because right now, you are living paycheck to paycheck and worry about something – anything – coming up that will make one of the financial balls you are juggling drop. Ask yourself, what is going to allow you to feel financially secure? How much money do you need to have the financial buffer you want? That may be saving three months’ worth of living expenses. Define it.

You may want to feel fitter than you do and with more energy. Ask yourself what is going to allow you to feel fitter and have more energy. What is the target you can work toward that will support that feeling? It may be working up to walking 10,000 steps every day.

You may want to feel more confident in yourself. Ask yourself what is going to allow you to feel that way. It may be working up to doing something you have always wanted to do but have been held back by fear or self-doubt or building your knowledge in a certain area. So, what is it that you can work toward that will build that feeling of confidence? It may be to pursue a promotion you want, to write a book, do a TED Talk, or take a course.

No matter what goal you have set for yourself, the point is that it is something that is defined enough for you to then be able to identify specific actions to take to achieve it.

Step 4: Set a Timeframe

Next, establish a timeframe for each of your goals.

For example, if you want to build a rainy day fund of three months of expenses, then establish by what date you want to have saved that money.

Even if your goal seems less time bound – for example, let’s say that you want to work on your inner peace and to cultivate a feeling of being more centered inside yourself even when things around you are not – although that is more of a process, you can still set a date by which you’ll assess if the actions you’ve been taking are helping you to feel more of how you want to feel.

Step 5: Know How You’ll Track Your Progress

Finally, know how you’ll track your progress. How will you measure whether or not you’re moving in the direction you want to go? How will you keep track?

For example, you may set up a savings account for your rainy day fund and check your balance every month. You may use a pedometer or smart device to track how many steps you take every day. You may choose to keep an awareness journal as you take steps to do more of what cultivates your inner peace, where you note down what inner-peace-cultivating steps you have taken and do a weekly check-in to see what difference you notice in how you feel inside.

Whatever measure or tracker you choose, I encourage you to use one that is goal- and self-supporting. In other words, use something that is more motivating than punishing. For example, I do not like using the scale as a measure for how I feel. A number on a square box on the floor cannot tell me how good I feel (but it can make me feel bad if it’s not the number that I wanted to see). So, make sure that the measure or tracker you choose is one that will support – not work against – you and what you want to achieve.

Step 6: Do A Sanity Check

Sanity checks are what we use in finance to determine if something makes sense, but here, we will use the term to refer to Einstein’s definition of insanity, which is “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” If you are recycling a goal that you haven’t made lasting progress on, take a pause and think why that is. Why haven’t you made the progress you want?

Later, we will focus on creating an action plan to achieve your goals, with specific, doable steps you can take week by week to make progress toward how you want to feel. But first, be sure that the goal you are setting is one that still fits you or one you feel you can actually work toward.

For example, sometimes we can get stuck recycling old goals because how we define or think about our goals needs to shift. I used to think that my goal was a number on the scale, and even when I was able to achieve it, I couldn’t sustain it for long. It wasn’t until I realized it wasn’t the number that was important but rather the feeling I wanted that was the real goal. Only then was I able to take action that allowed me to achieve how I wanted to feel in a lasting way.

Sometimes, we may need to find a different version of our goal or way to achieve it to get unstuck from the “insanity” of what isn’t working. If we remember the purpose of goals — to achieve a certain feeling — then it makes sense that there isn’t just one way to realize that feeling. Instead of giving up on our goal, we can achieve the feeling we want but in a different way than we might have initially envisioned. This can be especially effective when our goal seems impossible or impractical.

For example, I always dreamed of being a writer but had a narrow definition of what that meant. Achieving my version of a writer seemed impractical, if not impossible, so I chose a different career path. However, ultimately, I brought writing back to my life because what was important was how it made me feel, not a position I attained or a title I held as a result of it.

I know creatives who love their art, but instead of requiring it to support them financially, they share their work at volunteer venues and spend time outside their paid vocation doing what brings them joy. I know women who dreamed of being mothers but could not get pregnant. Instead of giving up on their dream, some became mothers through adoption or fostering children, others through teaching, and others through mentoring and volunteering. They all achieved the feeling they wanted by finding ways to do that differently than what they had initially envisioned.

So, if you are struggling to realize your goal or the changes you want to create in your life, consider if you are repeating what isn’t working or if changing how you define or think about what you want to achieve would help you take action to achieve it. Remember the feeling you want to achieve and the possible ways to make it happen.

TAKE ACTION:

1. Identify your goal. What is the change you want to create? More importantly, how do you want to feel? Goals are feelings we want to achieve.¹ So, what is it that you want to feel?
2. Identify your WHY. Why do you want to create the change you say you do? What is it going to give you that you don’t have now, and why is that important.
3. Put your stake in the ground. Make sure you have defined your goal enough so that you can identify specific actions to take to achieve it.
4. Set a timeframe. Identify by when you will achieve your goal, or if it’s more of a process than timebound, then set a timeframe for when you’ll have check-in points to assess your progress.
5. Identify how you will measure your progress. How will you know you have made progress? How can you track your progress in a way that supports you and your goal and will give you feedback that relates back to how you want to feel?
6. Check yourself. If you are recycling old goals, ask yourself why. Why haven’t you been able to achieve lasting progress toward the goal? What needs to change so that you can? Do you need to think about your goal differently or find a different version of your goal or way to achieve how you want to feel?

References:

1: Hartley, Anne (2000). Love The Life You Live: Ten Steps For Happier Living; A Life Coaching Process. Hart Publishing Pty Ltd. Australia.

IMPORTANT: The information provided is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified professional with any questions you may have regarding the topics discussed here as the topics discussed are based on general principles and may not be applicable to every individual.