KEY TAKEAWAY: Many of us get stuck wishing for something but not taking action to achieve it. If this is you, review the ten common sticking points that tend to stop us from achieving our goals, and ask yourself the one critically important question every morning that might help you to get unstuck. Scroll down to the TAKE ACTION section for this week’s actionable steps.

Let me ask you something:

Do you find yourself always coming back to the same wish?

I wish I were _________.
I want to feel more _________.
I would like to have more __________.

Why?
Why do you find yourself coming back to the same wish?
What is keeping you stuck from moving from wishing to achieving?

I was going to write about a different topic this week, but I’ve had this conversation with a few people recently and wanted to check in with you, now that we are about two months out from the start of our journey, to see if this is an issue for you, too.

Are you, like so many of us do, getting stuck in the cycle of wanting change but not making change? Or at least not change that lasts.

We yearn to feel differently, address some situation in our life, or otherwise desire something more than we feel or have now, but we stay stuck in wishing mode. Whether we procrastinate, start making a change but then fall back into old patterns repeating what doesn’t work, or make temporary adjustments that may be promising but that we don’t stick to, we get the same outcomes that we always have because we haven’t truly changed anything.

Why is this?

Why is it that we want change but often stay stuck in wanting mode instead of doing what would create the change we desire?

That is what today’s topic addresses:

1: What keeps us stuck, and how do we get unstuck?

2: What is the ultimate question we need to ask ourselves every morning?

1: WHAT KEEPS US STUCK & HOW TO GET UNSTUCK

If you are feeling stuck, repeating a wish but not making it happen, there could be many reasons for you feeling stuck. Here are a few common ones and how to address them.

Sticking Point #1: Having A Lackluster WHY

Ask Yourself This: Does my WHY resonate with me? Is it meaningful enough for me to follow through consistently?

How to Get Unstuck: Make sure your Why – the reason behind what you want – inspires you and is one you’ll show up for consistently. Be sure that what it will give you or allow you to feel is meaningful to you. After all, change is not without effort, so make sure your change is worth the effort to you. If you’re not clear on your WHY, then revisit What’s your starting point? and Are you struggling to know what you want?

Sticking Point #2: Setting Too Many Goals

Ask Yourself This: How many goals have I set for myself? How do I feel when I consider them – overwhelmed, or can I tackle all these at once?

How to Get Unstuck: You can’t do everything, but you can do something. When considering your goals, ask yourself if you’ve bitten off more than you can chew. If you have, prioritize your goals and focus on the one or ones that are most critical to you now. Then, allocate your vital resources of time, energy, and other resources to your highest priority something or somethings. Revisit How congruently are you living? to review how to make sure you’re aligning what you do with what you want with regular Vital ROI checks.

Sticking Point #3: Having Vague Goals

Ask Yourself This: Have I specified my goal in enough detail so that I know what actions I need to take to achieve it?

How to Get Unstuck: Be specific about each of your goals. Write each goal down and ask yourself if it’s specific enough for you to know what actions to take to make progress. If it’s unclear, then get more specific by asking yourself what your goal looks like. Ask yourself what it feels like. Create a vision of what you want by describing what you want to achieve and how it will make you feel, and identify the specific elements that support it. Find pictures that illustrate your goal.

For example, if your goal is to feel more fulfilled, then peel back the onion on that by asking yourself where you don’t feel fulfilled and why, and what change or changes would address that. If it’s to have more fulfilling work, then ask yourself what kind of work would make you feel more fulfilled. What does fulfilling work look and feel like to you? What skills are you using? Who are you working with? What problem are you solving? Describe the elements of what a fulfilling work would be to you. Find images that reflect your vision and create a vision board of the work you want.

Sticking Point #4: Not Having A Plan to Achieve Your Goals

Ask Yourself This: Have I created an action plan with clear steps to achieve what I want?

How to Get Unstuck: Create a plan with specific, actionable steps you can take to achieve what you want. Go back to What’s your action plan to achieve your goals? to help you map this out. (Upgraded subscribers also get access to my Your Best Fit Action Plan worksheet and weekly planner, as well as additional supporting resources I share every week on Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday to aid their THRIVE journey.)

Sticking Point #5: Having Unrealistic Expectations

Ask Yourself This: Am I setting the bar too high for myself? Am I expecting things to go smoothly (and when they don’t, I get frustrated and give up)?

How to Get Unstuck: Unrealistic expectations of what we expect to achieve or the effort it will take can set us up to feel deterred or give up when our actual results fall short, or we encounter resistance along the way. Set realistic expectations. Ask yourself if what you expect yourself to achieve is realistic. Can you realistically do what you are expecting of yourself? If not, then what would be realistic? What can you realistically expect yourself to do?

Also, consider what obstacles you may face and how you can navigate them. What obstacles might you face as you work toward your goal? What help or resources could you access to help you manage them? If suffering from feelings of not-enoughness is one obstacle keeping you stuck, revisit What to Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough.

Sticking Point #6: Blaming Lack of Progress on Not Enough Resources

Ask Yourself This: Am I blaming my lack of progress on not having enough time, energy, or money?

How to Get Unstuck: Limited resources are a reality, but we decide how we allocate the ones we have. Whether it’s time, energy, or money, if we say we don’t have enough resources for something, what we’re really saying is that the other things we are spending our resources on are of higher priority. If this is a familiar refrain, check your priorities.

Then, check how you’re spending your vital resources of time, energy, and money. Is how you are using your vital resources aligned with your priorities? If not, how can you adjust your vital resource spending to better support what is most important to you? Revisit How congruently are you living? to ensure you’re aligning what you do with what you want with regular Vital ROI checks.

Sticking Point #7: Not Getting the Resources You Need

Ask Yourself This: Am I getting the help I need to achieve what I want? What resources would help me to achieve what I want, and am I using them?

How to Get Unstuck: If you tend to go it alone, rely on what you know when finding out more or reaching out to someone who has done what you want to do could be beneficial, or otherwise limit your ability to achieve your goals by not having the information, support, or other resources you need, then change your approach. Think about what resources could help you achieve what you want. Write them down. Next, identify who or what could provide them. Finally, make a plan to get the resources you need and schedule it on your calendar to follow up.

Sticking Point #8: Being Inconsistent

Ask Yourself This: Am I showing up consistently for what I want?

How to Get Unstuck: Consistency is the magic fairy dust to achieving any goal. If you tend to start strong but then show up less and less for what you want, think about why that is and what you can do to change it. What is causing you to be inconsistent? What is getting in your way? Consider all that you can do or put into place to help you stay accountable and show up consistently. Schedule any necessary follow-up on your calendar.

Sticking Point #9: Repeating What Doesn’t Work

Ask Yourself This: Am I repeating what doesn’t work?

How to Get Unstuck: Einstein’s definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,” and many of us, by this definition, are “insane.” We keep repeating what doesn’t work. So, we need to recognize when we’re being “insane” and change what we’re doing.

Check yourself now. Write down your goal. Write down all the ways you’ve tried to achieve it. Which worked and gave you the lasting change you want and which didn’t? If you’re stuck wishing for the same thing, recycling old goals, then the answer is likely “none.” So, why hasn’t what you have tried worked? What has not changed that needs to change?

It may be your goal that needs to change or, rather, your vision of how you need to achieve it. Remember that goals are feelings we want to achieve.¹ So, if you can’t achieve the feeling you want in the way you would like to, how else could you achieve the same or similar feeling?

For example, if you have always dreamed of being a writer but believe you have to be a commercially successful New York Times bestselling author to achieve that, and your vision is either stopping you from trying or feeling like you’re failing because you haven’t achieved your vision, how else can you achieve what you want? What feeling are you trying to achieve, and how can you achieve that in different ways than having to be a commercially successful New York Times bestselling author? Could you blog, volunteer to write content for a publication, help others with their writing, or write a book that you self-publish?

If you are struggling to realize your goal or the changes you want to create in your life, consider if you are repeating what isn’t working or if changing how you define or think about what you want to achieve would help you take action to achieve it. Remember the feeling you want to achieve and the possible ways to make it happen.

Sticking Point #10: Resisting What Is or Not Being Willing to Change

Ask Yourself This: Am I resisting what is or the change I need to make? What proof do I have that I am not resisting and am willing to change? What proof might point to that I am resisting and not willing to change?

How to Get Unstuck: When it comes to addressing things in our lives that we don’t like, we have three productive choices: (1) Accept it, (2) Eliminate it, or (3) Adjust it. Unfortunately, many of us get caught in the unproductive fourth option: (4) Resist it. Is this you? Are you stuck more in unproductive option #4 and not willing to do options 1, 2, or 3?

To stop doing what doesn’t work, we need to recognize what that is and be willing to learn from it and change it going forward. Otherwise, we stay where we are, resisting what is (which is draining) and repeating what isn’t creating the change we say we want.

So, if this is you, what are you resisting and why? What are you gaining by resisting? How does it make you feel, or what do you achieve when you resist what is? If resisting is not helping the situation, then ask yourself what would. What would be a better choice than beating your head against a brick wall of resistance? What would you be willing to accept, eliminate, or adjust?

2: THE QUESTION TO ASK YOURSELF EVERY MORNING

If you are stuck in wishful thinking but not doing mode, as important and perhaps even more poignant than what I listed above is to ask yourself this question every morning:

If I don’t make a change, what’s going to change?

Ultimately, the answer to that question is the most important one if you’re stuck. No matter what is keeping you from creating what you want, if you truly desire change, then you need to make a change. It’s as simple as that.

I’m not trying to be harsh. We are all in the same boat when it comes to creating change in our lives. Change takes effort. For every single one of us. Either we make the effort. Or we don’t.

So, if you really want to realize a change in your life, even if you can’t bring yourself to do any of the other things we’ve discussed today or in other posts, then do this one thing:

Every morning, when you get up and think about what you want and plan the day ahead, ask yourself:

If I don’t make a change, what’s going to change?

And follow that up with this:

What is the smallest, tiniest action that I can take today to move myself in the direction I want to go?

Identify something you can and will do.

Don’t rely on willpower (an unreliable, if not mythical, creature in my book). Instead, help yourself follow through by identifying a reward that you will give yourself when you’ve completed that action. Pick something that is a treat for you, such as watching an episode of a TV program you’ve been wanting to see, reading a chapter in a book you love, or taking a bubble bath.

Also, pick something that doesn’t work against what you’re trying to achieve. For example, if you want to get fitter and your smallest, tiniest action is to start taking a 5 minute walk each day, rewarding yourself with a cookie may not be the best reward. It doesn’t matter what the reward is, as long as it creates a positive connection with your actions and doesn’t work against the goal you’re trying to achieve.

Then, write down the smallest, tiniest action you identified on a piece of paper: “The ONE thing I WILL do TODAY.”

Next, schedule it on your calendar. Also, schedule on your calendar a check-in on your progress one month from today. Then, take action. When you’ve followed through on your scheduled action, reward yourself.

Repeat this tomorrow and every morning, focusing on one thing every single day. And keep doing this. If and when you are ready, willing, and able, build on it.

One Month from Today: In one month, check your progress. Are you still stuck? Or have you started moving yourself closer to what you want? What is different about where you are from where you were a month ago?

TAKE ACTION:

1. If you are not taking action to achieve what you want, address as needed any of these common sticking points:
   • Having a lackluster WHY
   • Setting too many goals
   • Having vague goals
   • Not having a plan to achieve your goals
   • Having unrealistic expectations
   • Blaming lack of progress on not enough resources
   • Not getting the resources you need
   • Being inconsistent
   • Repeating what doesn’t work
   • Resisting what is or being unwilling to change
2. Ask yourself this question every morning: If I don’t make a change, what’s going to change?
3. Identify the smallest action you can commit to doing each day. Schedule it on your calendar and plan a reward that you will give yourself when you’ve followed through. Repeat every morning. Check your progress in one month. What is different from where you were?

References:

1: Hartley, Anne (2000). Love The Life You Live: Ten Steps For Happier Living; A Life Coaching Process. Hart Publishing Pty Ltd. Australia.

IMPORTANT: The information provided is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified professional with any questions you may have regarding the topics discussed here as the topics discussed are based on general principles and may not be applicable to every individual. 

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